As I lay below the soft glow of fairy lights,
I think about how mom put them there, to banish the night.
Maybe that is the root cause of the problem,
for the dark has never bothered me.
When I was young, fear meant,
the monster that stayed under my bed.
But now I realise that as we grow,
the monster climbs inside our mind.
One day I am brimming with self-hate,
my body crumbles under the weight.
Other days, the leviathan inside me,
Ceases to exist and disappears completely.
There is an endless abyss that surrounds me,
but death is not my enemy.
It sure seems like a consolatory prize,
then to wake up and continue into this misery.
The loathing I feel is eccentric,
sometimes my own shadow haunts me,
the scars, the flaws, the tear-stained cheeks,
remind me of my worthless existence continuously.
When they ask me why I am jumpy all the time,
my mouth burns as if I have swallowed fire.
There are no words that can describe,
the haunted tale that is my life.